The other day, a friend on Twitter posed the question: what product or service do you no longer use because of moral or ethical reasons?
I quickly replied (which I am usually pretty apprehensive about doing on Twitter) that I recently deleted my Facebook account because I was uncomfortable with how they handle my personal data.
Many others responded that they also deleted Facebook. Some said that it was an easy decision to make.
I did not think it was that easy. I joined Facebook in the spring of 2005 as soon as I got my @ncsu.edu email address. I was pysched to join after my older brother told me all about how the cool college kids were on it. There are certain moments in life that I remember distinctly. At the time, it was just another moment. But when I look back on the moment, I realize it was a milestone. Signing up for Facebook was a milestone. Not only for my life, but in society.
(Another one of those moments was once again involving my older brother making a huge announcement: there is this incredible computer program where you can download any song you want called Napster. For some reason I remember him calling me on the phone to tell me about it because I had to hang up and connect to the internet to check it out. He must have called from his friend’s house? Or school? I don’t know. But I digress.)
Back to Facebook. Yes. It was a milestone in my life to join. I remember my first profile picture. I downloaded it from my MySpace profile to use for Facebook, too. It originated from Webshots, of course. Anyone remember Webshots? Tweet me if you do because I haven’t learned how to enable comments on Jekyll (new blogging platform to me).
I remember the different Facebook Wall memes. Eventually, people could start creating photo albums on Facebook. Oh Lordy. This was when we realized that our online presence was actually real life and you probably shouldn’t post drunk pictures of yourself online, especially if you are under age. Oops.
I remember looking at the dates of friends to see if they were cool. At the end of 2010, my best friend was about to go out on a date with a new guy that our hairdresser introduced her to. We huddled around her laptop, giggling, and pulling up his profile. I noticed right away that he listed Seinfeld as one of his favorite shows. I knew instantly that he was a keeper. Now, they’re married with a kid and another on the way!
See, back then, everyone had dating profiles because they had a Facebook profile. It was all out there: favorite show, favorite movie, favorite book. That was when brands learned that they could get in on the action. And the smart people at Facebook realized they could be making money off of people’s personal preferences!
That’s when things started to get a little crazy.
Status updates replaced the Wall. Now people could broadcast to each other what they were doing that very moment. “Lauren is: getting ready to go to Blue Martini!”. Sometimes I’d even refer to myself in the third person (wtf??): “Lauren is getting ready to go to Blue Martini but she can’t find her favorite halter top :(“.
Me at Blue Martini circa…two thousand something
But by golly the brands. The brands started taking over Facebook. I eventually got a job “in the real world” where I had to manage these branded Facebook pages from time to time. It got harder and harder to get organic content in front of human eyes. Brands had to pay to get noticed.
By 2017, I found myself addicted to Facebook. I would open the app on my phone, scroll. Put down the phone. Pick it up, scroll. I would not even know what I just looked at. When I did know what I was looking at, I would be judging. Judging myself or others. Comparing. Stalking. Wondering. I decided to delete the app off my phone. Haha! Can’t fool me. I can go on Facebook through my mobile browser! Sigh. Finally, I deactivated my Facebook account. It was the only surefire way to quit it. And I did for several months. I was not even tempted to sneak back on. When I did reactivate my account, I barely visited the website and never posted.
At the end of 2019, I decided it was time to delete Facebook. DELETE. Not deactivate, but delete. I had watched the chilling documentary on Netflix about Cambridge Analytica and how political campaigns used Facebook data to target voters with surgical precision. Ick. Deactivating my Facebook account did not protect me or my friends from those scumbags.
But… Facebook had been such a pillar in my life for the last 15 years. So many memories. Thousands of tagged photos. Pokes! Silly statuses from 2012. Notes. Everything perfectly in chronological order.
Ah ha! Facebook. Tugging at my heartstrings once again. Making me believe that I needed Facebook as much as I needed food, water, shelter, coffee.
I had to change the narrative. I don’t need Facebook. It’s only 15 years. And that’s ok. It was a phase. It was fun while it lasted. There are other self-preservation strategies. Writing in my journal. Talking to my kids. Listening to stories told by my parents. Making art. Trying something new like starting a blog using open source software… eek!
There were a few things I needed to do before deleting my account. I had to download all of those tagged photos (ughhhh!), download all of my data (including some fun notes I will have to share on here one day), and write a few letters to old friends who I would miss seeing on Facebook.
I deleted my Facebook account at the end of February right before the COVID-19 pandemic took hold of North Carolina. The whole world shut down. I wonder what is happening on Facebook, but not really. I am actually so relieved to not even be tempted to go on Facebook to read the comments even if it is “just for fun”. I no longer have that temptation or negative energy looming over me.
Oh wait. Yes I do. I’m still on Twitter.